she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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