i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
