Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
