Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
