the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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