i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
