Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
