there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're like the curious george of whores
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
