dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
