How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
