Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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