my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
