The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
