Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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