yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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