Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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