so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
