Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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