Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
