I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
