Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
