Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
