is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
