Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
