So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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