Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
