Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
