I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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