If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
