I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
