What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
