you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
