you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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