I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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