I faked an abortion last night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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