he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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