we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
