I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I smell stomach acid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
