My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
