Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
