I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need to sanitize my soul.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
