Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
