DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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