His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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