I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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