i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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