every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
