He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
