Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
