im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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