Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize