you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize