He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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