I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
