dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
