The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
