I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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