I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
