Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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