In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
