Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Someone came in the potted fern
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
