Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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