I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
