Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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