I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
