I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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