Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
