I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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